finally ready for the new year, and loving the new me

back once again, and ready for the new year and all that it has to bring. i wanted to wait awhile before writing this blog, because i wanted to see how things would be going and to see if i had the same energy i had exiting the old year and entering into the new one. like i wrote in my last blog for the end of the year, that i truly felt for the first time that i was finally in a position in my life to take on the new year. i don't want to go into the other things i wrote about, but i will say that this month alone things are starting to take shape for me. i know that it may sound kind of corny, but i'm feeling like my future is so bright...i gotta wear shades. it all goes back to what this seer told me a year ago--"troy, i see success surrounding you...you just have to get out of your own way". it took me almost a year to get out of my own way, but each day i'm getting better and better at it.

the biggest thing to happen to me that ended the year last month was that my student loans are completely gone...wiped the fuck out! for the past 10 years since i graduated from school i always knew i would have to pay that money back, but i always dreamed that by the time i reached my 30s...i wouldn't be worrying about paying back my student loan, because it would've already been taken care of. i'm realizing now the power of the universe and how in due time all things will work themselves out. i can vividly remember examples of this happening to me all time, but i was so caught up in the drama i was starring in..."my life"--the part had been cast and i was giving an oscar worthy performance. i have since learned that you can't force things to happen that are supposed to happen--they'll happen on their own and when it's supposed to happen...in the book i'm currently reading for the 2nd time "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success" by Deepak Chopra, he calls this the "Law of Least Effort". over the summer i wrote Connecticut's Department of Children & Families asking them if they could help me with the loan payments. like i said before, i was so scared to write that letter, but once i decided that the worst thing they could say to me was no--i sent it out and gave it to God. when i got a reply from them and it didn't say no, but let's see what we can do. in that 90+ degree heat i was running around getting them every bit of paper they needed that would help them build a case for me. after all was said and done, when i tell you i gave it to God and didn't worry about it...i'm not lying to you one bit. i was happy if they would've given me $5, but all that work i did and put into it--my feelings would've been hurt if i was told no. when i started feeling that way, i would say a little prayer and tell God i'm not going to worry because i know you got me. when i was told to make the phone call to get the news i've been waiting for, and they said yes...talk about wanting to jump up and down on someone's couch. that let me know right there that i still had it in me to make things happen--i know i didn't do it all by myself, and i admit i totally went out on faith and it paid off.

i have to admit that since i created this blog and started writing, my mood and spirit has become much lighter and i'm so thankful for that. i had one of the biggest burdens lifted off of me and i can't help smiling at the oddest moments. don't get me wrong...there are still issues i'm currently dealing with and i would like to get them quickly resolved as i can, but as i'm learning that all things happen in due time and you have to accept things as they currently are. by doing so--it doesn't mean that you don't work towards the solution you're aiming for, but you don't have to be a beast about it either. in Chopra's book when he talks about "Law of Least Effort", he talks about "Acceptance". saying to yourself that you have to accept people, situations, circumstances, and events as they occur. they are a number of things he talks about in the chapter, but as i mentioned he talks about "struggling against the moment". he states that "your acceptance has to be total and complete"--"i accept things as they are this moment, not as i wish they were". when you struggle against the moment and can't seem to accept things as they currently are in that specific moment, it causes a lot of stress, discomfort, and constant headaches. he also stated in the book and i was watching Oprah online her Best Life series, and she had Rev. Ed Bacon and Michael Bernard Beckwith saying this same exact statement more or less--"every problem is an opportunity in disguise, and this alertness to opportunities allows you to take this moment and transform it into a greater benefit". this is something i'm doing my best to work on, but to tell you the truth...i'm starting to see how it can be done. in a later chapter in Chopra's book in the chapter "The Law of Intention and Desire", he talks about how you can accept the present as it is, and manifest the future through your deepest, most cherished intentions and desires. i'm currently reading this book for the 2nd time, but i'm taking my time to fully understand the lessons within the pages. i sort of got it before, but was too caught up starring in my own drama. i get it now, and i'm doing my best to incorporate the teachings into my everyday life. to tell you the truth i'm actually doing good, and it can only get better.

earlier this month on the 6th i successfully completed 30 days on The Master Cleanse! i lost a total of 36lbs and i feel so good it's not funny. i would be lying to you if i said i didn't do the cleanse so that i could drop a few pounds, but i mainly did it because i felt so gross and my body was acting or doing what i needed it to do. i was so sluggish and for a long time i wasn't able to go to the bathroom like i wanted. when i say i couldn't go like i wanted, i mean i had not problem urinating, but when it came time for a bowel movement...my body wasn't letting go like i needed it to. the funny thing is, that other people in the office where i work at was having the same problem too. this cleanse was no joke...i got a bad cold halfway through it and couldn't seem to shake it. the purpose of the cleanse is to detoxify your body of all the impurities' in your system, so i couldn't take the vitamins i normally would to help get rid of the cold. as to be expected, i had my share of supporters and detractors throughout my time of doing the cleanse. a lot of people couldn't understand stand why i would do such a thing, because to them i looked fine. others thought i wouldn't last the initial two weeks that you have to do it. when the weight loss started to show, i got a lot of good spirited encouragement and a few people wanted to know how i was doing and how much longer i would continue on it. then there were those that would look at me out of the corner of their eyes and say things like "you're just going to put the weight back on when you start eating again". to my surprise, i just kept going and didn't let any of that stop me. i would look at videos on Youtube of people that were doing the same thing, and i actually started to feel like i can do this...i've done much bigger things than this before--this was nothing. i don't know if i've mentioned this before, but i have a quote on my wall by Goethe that says: "whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. boldness has genius, power, and magic in it". i didn't care for the salt water flush i had to do, but i did rather enjoy the laxative tea at night that i had to take. when i saw the stuff my body started to release...i just was amazed at what was coming out of me. i started eating solid foods again, and no i haven't gained back the full 36lbs that i lost. i gained 4lbs, but that was to be expected--i started eating more vegetables and i'm still carrying that energy right along with me that i ended the year with. i geniunely feel good, and even i can see the glow i have when i look in the mirror now at myself.

well, we're coming to end of the first month of the new year and i will say this--i don't know what tomorrow will bring for me, but i will meet it head on and not struggle against the moment...whatever it may be. i believe that i'm on the cusp of living the life i've always dreamed of to the fullest. i do know that i do have a purpose and the God has a purpose for me. i'm still finding my way, but in due time all things will be revealed and that patience is indeed a virtue. as always, i hope you enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it. i'll keep you posted if anything new should happen...God Bless.