will i ever be ready?

over the past few weeks, i've been thinking about my life and where i want it to go. i can't tell you but lately my money has been running out so fast on me. to tell you the truth i don't know how i do it from week to week, paycheck to paycheck. of course, i'm not the only one in the world going through this but it brings up the question...will i ever be ready for something big/life-changing (in a good way) to come my way? i moved to NYC back in 1997 to go to school and i just knew that it would change my life in every way i could imagine, and it did. over these past 12 years, i have done so much and seen just about everyone i've ever wanted to meet. i've been blessed in so many ways and yet i'm still struggling just to get by. over this past year i've been working on myself trying to improve my outlook on the life that i've been so blessed to have. i wouldn't say that i have been negative, but whenever something good came my way almost immediately or delayed something bad was following. this happened so many times to me i honestly thought i was cursed...i can't tell you how many times thoughts of suicide entered my head. they surface every now and again when i start to feel a little down about my situation. over this past summer i turned 32 years old, and i've never been in a relationship, i'm constantly broke (low on funds), and every time i seem to get slightly ahead i fall down. i read 'the secret' by robin byrne, 'the seven spiritual laws of success' by deepak chopra, and i'm currently in the middle of eckhart tolle's 'a new earth'. i didn't expect for my life or attitude to change over night, but i thought something major would've started to happen by now...i haven't given up hope, but i'll be lying if i told you that i wasn't close to just going to bed for the next three days. in all the books it's undisputable and the overwhelming theme is that the universe won't give you anything until you're ready for it...which prompted my question: "will i ever be ready for the God/universe to send a wonderful life-changing opportunity my way?" at the urging of a close friend of mine i went to a medium, clairvoyant, and seer a year ago who told me that things would be changing for me by the end of the 2008 year. when nothing happened and i mean nothing--i was pissed! and boy let me tell you, i damn near cursed his ass out...which he did not take to really well. to be perfectly honest, it was my fault. i was looking for a quick answer to all of my problems, and when i didn't get it...i lashed out. i don't know what tomorrow holds for me, but for now at least i learned that in this exact moment everything is as it should be. i wish for so many things, not only for myself but for those i love and care about deeply. will it ever happen...i don't know and couldn't begin to tell you. however, i'll keep you posted...